September 09, 2007

Hey, I’m halfway to realizing my dream of becoming an eccentric millionaire. No, I don’t have $500,000.00. I just meant that I’ve got the eccentric part down pat.

September 06, 2007

I'm only trying to help...

I wonder if my neighbors appreciate all the trouble I go through to keep my lawn looking so shabby. I only do this for their benefit. Just being near mine will always make their yards look great.

Well, truthfully, it’s not that much trouble, but it’s the thought that counts.

September 03, 2007

Fair warning. But was there ever any real hope for the victim's escape?

As I passed by the kitchen, I heard Mitch speaking. His tone of voice sounded quite menacing, yet the volume was so low I couldn't quite make out the words.

"What was that, sweetie?" I asked my son to repeat himself.

"I said: 'You're goin' DOWN!'"

"Oh, OK."

(Don't worry, he wasn't talking to me. He was threatening the chocolate cake.)