March 12, 2006

&*^%$@'n DPS

Screw you Texas Department of Public Safety.

As of 3/10/06 10:59 p.m. I had to give up bragging rights of "I haven't had a speeding ticket since I was nineteen years old!"

Screw you, you little mean officer that gave me the ticket.

I'm not saying I didn't deserve it, but she didn't have to be so rude about it. I was nice and polite to her after she pulled me over. She kept saying ma'am to me like she wanted it to seem like she was being being respectful, but really she was a total bitch. The way she grilled me about where I was going and why? (home, cuz I'm tired) and where had I been and why? (to Oklahoma to drop off my daughter at a friend's house) geez - I so wanted to say on a drug run, but I could tell she had no sense of humor. But you'd think I had been, the way she asked me those questions. What's with all the small talk anyway? Did she think that if I had been up to no good, I'd just spill my guts and tell her?

She said I was going 73. I politely said to her, "No, I was going 70." She said that the speed limit is 65. No, the speed limit was 70, I know. I'd seen the sign. People, did you know that the speed limit is 65 at night??? And apparently it's not just a suggestion. I guess I have seen those signs, but the last time I remember actually reading the sign below the speed limit, it was meant for trucks. Really, I'm not kidding, I think the sign below the speed limit used to be a separate speed limit for trucks. OK, maybe I imagined that, or maybe it was 20 years ago. Anyway, I guess I have to admit that I've been ignoring the black 65 mph sign posted below the white 70 mph sign. So I was speeding. But I was going 70, dammit, not 73 like she said!

In no way was I rude, or argumentative nasty. Sgt. Shrimp (most 10 year olds are bigger than this woman - so OK, I'm jealous) came back from her car with my license and my insurance paper and a citation! I said, "Can't I just have a warning, please? I was barely over!" "Eight over", she snapped. (FIVE!)

I should get some good-girl points. Points that would reduce the number of "miles over" the speed limit. One point for each of the following:

1 - I was trying to follow the speed limit, that's how I know I was going 70 because I looked at the speedometer so often to check. So one point for trying.

2 - I had my seatbelt on. Like a good and responsible law-abiding citizen. So one point for the seatbelt and my safety consciousness.

3 - I not only carry auto insurance (unlike half of Texas drivers*) but I had proof of it!

4 - I was not drinking, nor had I been for days! (But only because I had been sick with an unconfirmed case of bird-flu.)

5 - I was not chatting on my cell phone. (Well, not when she caught me speeding, but once or twice before, and immediately after.)

I could stop right here, because I KNOW I was going 70, not 73, but she's got the guns. Real and radar, and who can argue with them? So... I'll keep knocking off "miles over" by racking up three more points:

6 - Current drivers' license. (well, except for an outdated picture) Seriously, I know people who never bother to change the address on their license. Mine has my current address, it is not expired, and it has a way-cool "M" in the class meaning I can legally drive a motorcycle. Which has nothing to do with speeding, I know, but I think proves my case that I have a tendency to always often follow the law!

7 - Current tags! One more point, see?

8 - Current inspection sticker. Further proof that I am a law-abiding citizen who deserved a warning, not a citation!!!!

Now we're right back down to 65 mph (62, dammit!) so you can take your ticket back, please!

*a statistic I pulled out of my ass thin air, I cannot vouch for its accuracy.


Blogger Da Gal said...

You go girl!!! Now wouldn't you die if miz trooper was a blog reader?? J/K

Say... I've been meaning to ask you for quite some time now. How do you do the whole *line through the middle of the word trick*?

I would love to be able to do that... and I also need to talk to the person who built your site here because I'd like some construction done at my site.

Take care - and don't you just wish you could shred that damn ticket?

6:46 PM  
Blogger mreddie said...

The ones that they put on highway duty seem to always be the ones with no mercy. Haven't had a ticket myself in several years, knock on wood (my head). :) ec

8:16 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hivy, woe is you 8 miles over oops sorry 5 !!!! that's worth about $120.00 here and a couple of demerit points too.
Heartles little short-ass, fancy not being impressed by the cool M.

10:06 PM  
Blogger Meow said...

Bugger !!!!
I got caught recently, too, but by a speed-camera.
Received my ticket in the mail, saying I was doing 57 (they dropped it to 53) in a 50kph zone, so fined me $131 and 1 demerit point.
Bugger !!!!
Haven't the cops got anything better to do !?!?!?
Hope your week is better.
Take care, Meow

11:27 PM  
Blogger Karlos said...

The night speed limit in Texas has been 65 for quite a while. I used to break it twice a week on I-37 between Corpus Christi & San Antonio. I do remember the truck speed limit signs, but can't remember the last time I saw one.

Did you get her badge # to file a complaint? I would've. I probably would've given her a little polite, constructive criticism about her demeanor as well.

If I were one to tempt fate, I'd brag about never having received a speeding ticket in my life. But I'm not crazy so I won't brag about never having received a speeding ticket in my life. :-)

I'd have let ya go with a warning.

2:12 AM  
Blogger Matthew said...

I don't think the troopers are aware that part of their job is to serve the public. Many of them are on power trips. I am glad that you were not jailed for DWLS (driving while license suspended) and I am pleased that there was not an SOAB (strong odor of alcoholic beverage) about your person, which led to your arrest for suspicion of DWI.

3:21 AM  
Blogger Miss Cellania said...

I think you just open up and tell us how you REALLY feel.

3:38 AM  
Anonymous TC said...

Shit, you guys may just as well get out and walk - it'd be quicker!!

5:26 AM  
Blogger bornfool said...

It's too bad that it was a female trooper intead of a male. With a male trooper you could have used your feminine wiles on him and I'm sure you would have received nothing but a warning, if that.

5:56 AM  
Blogger jules said...

Online defensive driving.
I think you were just trying to keep up with your big sis's speeding record!

6:33 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

I've read about this business of part-time speed limits on another site where someone else got caught (also without realising they were going too fast!) and I have to say, it's sheer STUPIDITY! And I think you showed great restraint, as I would agrue and shout if a police officer stopped me in that situation! But then our police don't carry guns ;o)

8:17 AM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Well, I certainly hope you feel better after that cleansing rant! Get it ALL out, honey... that's it.
Ivy got a ticket, na, na, na, na ,na na!

3:40 PM  
Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

Gee, it's not like you to sugarcoat things, Ivy :)

I don't blame you a damn bit!

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh IVY...

I'm sorry.

D and I got pulled over on Thursday night because we had our front license plate on the dashboard because it had fallen off the front bumper. Doug was about ready to rip out the cop's throat and I had to keep elbowing him in the ribs.

And I've been pulled over by VA cops...they're just as bad as Sgt. Shrimp. They eat their young, I swear to god.


6:37 PM  
Blogger Lis said...

Yikes Ivy, I'm hoping the citation wasnt too costly.
I actually like the RCMP. Those Mounties mmmmm they look cute in their red serge suits! However I have never enjoyed handing my drivers license and insurance papers to them. And sadly, that has happened on several occasions!

7:44 PM  
Blogger Dorothy said... would think that those points would count, but unfortunately, they don't. Maybe if you had suggested them to her? Nah, don't think the biach was in a good humor. And she probably hadn't hit her speeding tickets quota.

9:07 PM  
Anonymous cassie-b said...

Bad luck. And I believe you about the 70.


8:01 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

If you time is worth nothing, go to court and get 3 mph taken off, THEN pay the fine.

For which the state will give you big points, no doubt.

11:10 AM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

Well shit! Sorry you got a ticket but thanks for making it so funny to read about. BTW, if that was a guy cop he would have let you go. A statistic I pulled from my ass, I mean thin air. :D
Lois Lane

11:34 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

Obviously tears don't work when the cop is a woman!

12:12 PM  
Blogger MarkD60 said...

I got a ticket when I was in Costa Rica. I was speeding but got a ticket because I didn't have my passport with me.
Cops are mostly screwed up, what kind of person would be a cop anyway?

12:17 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

I could only half-laugh at this, because almost the same thing just happened to me in Tennessee while I was there for my sister's funeral.

The cop said I was spending and I said I was barely over the limit. (I know that I was right on that.) Then he asked where I was going and why??? Why the heck did he care about that?

I held up my sister's ashes and told him where and why I was going! I have no shame, but my husband was embarrassed. I got a warning instead of a ticket. I was telling the truth though. I was going to another town to scatter Bonnie's ashes.

12:24 PM  
Blogger Krisco said...

That stinks!

It's always a power trip, isn't it, with the tiny policeladies?

10:49 PM  
Blogger Herb said...

If you go fight it they will probably reduce it or throw it out, which you may want to do or your insurance rates could go up as well.

2:54 AM  
Blogger Hale McKay said...

Maybe she was gay? You could have flashed some cleavage.

7:50 PM  
Anonymous Monique said...

Hey, I remember seeing signs under the speed limit sign when I was a kid and they were for trucks!!

8:05 PM  
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