January 30, 2006

Fox's Skating With Celebrities

OMG! Why didn't anybody tell me there was a reality show on called "Skating With Celebrities"? I have never seen any of the reality shows like American Idol, or Big Brother, or Bachelor. I did watch two episodes (episodes, not seasons) of Survivor, but that was only because a couple of years ago some people at work said I should be on it. (Don't laugh, I used to be lean and mean. Really.)

But skating, I LOVE! Like FTS likes baseball. This show is so great, in my opinion, because I know how hard it is to ice skate. I never managed, in all the years I've tried it to do more than stay on my feet and skate forward. And never with any grace, or style. It is tough, it really is. And I admire someone who can do something that I find so challenging, and make it look so easy. Well, that's what the professionals do, anyway. But these are celebrities paired with a professional, and they are learning. I also think skating can be very dangerous, and I cringe sometimes with the lifts and the way the men toss their partners around.

I've challenged myself physically in the past with things like the
marathon I did the year I turned 40; the Hotter'N Hell , which is a 100-mile bike ride in Wichita Falls that takes place in August; and the MS150, a 2-day charity event which was a 150-mile bike ride crossing the Red River up to Oklahoma. That one was done in bone-chilling rain and strong headwinds. But see, these were just endurance tests. They involved no talent on my part. No style, just stay upright either on my feet or on my bicycle and keep going.

So maybe you're a fan of reality shows, or maybe you think they're hokey. This is one I'll watch again. Plus I got to see cool 70's celebs like Bruce Jenner and Dorothy Hamil. Dorothy is one of the judges, and I had her famous haircut in 1976. Yeah, I'm cool like that.

I'm not getting all caught up in whether the judges are fair, or snarky, or which team deserves to win. I'm just fascinated at watching these people try, and train so hard to compete in something when they obviously haven't spent their life on the ice like the professionals.

January 29, 2006

The Devil Logged on to eBay, He Was Biddin' For a Soul to Buy...

Recently I went to one of my favorite restaurants with my son, his girlfriend, and one of my son's friends. Now imagine the 30 minute wait with a 19 year old girl, and two 19 year old boys. I mostly just listened, and felt very old. During the meal, I found an opportunity to say something I thought would impress them. (Basically I was trying to fit in, OK?) I wanted to make sure they know that I'm not an old fart, so I thought I could impress them with my computer savvy. I mean, look at me. I have my own blog, I can upload a picture, for cryin' out loud! And not only that, to add to my high-tech experience, I just sold something on eBay for the very first time in my life. I bragged to them about selling my motorcycle jacket.

This revelation (which did not amaze them as much as I thought it would - possibly because it turns out that I had mentioned it before a time or two) led my son's friend to say, "Did you know that you can sell your soul on eBay?" He said that someone is actually collecting souls (I did not check to see if this is true) and will pay for them. Supposedly you get some sort of contract to fill out, fax it to them signing over your soul, and then you get paid. Mitch's friend asked me if I would consider selling my soul on eBay for a thousand dollars. I said, "NO WAY! Of course not! What if that's the devil and he has an eBay account?"

Which prompted my son to break out with this spontaneous rap:


I am the devil, and I'm here to say
That I'm buying all your souls on eBay.


OK, maybe you had to be there.

January 28, 2006

It's Raining Rain! Hallelujah!



Yes, I know my title has nothing to do with my post, I'm just excited that it is raining in Dallas. It's been awhile. I have been busy running around getting very little accomplished. This is my M.O. I have so many things started, and no focus to finish any one thing right now. I have a really neat project that I want to work on, but will not allow myself to start on it until I get some REAL work done.

Pictured is a great find (in my opinion) and the project I'm going to allow myself to tackle once I get some chores finished. This old vanity, I can tell... was once a lovely piece of furniture. Then someone painted it a golden color, scraped it all up, and then defiled it with black spray paint. I'm going to fix it up and make it beautiful again. I love restoring things like this back to the natural wood. I don't know if this is an antique, I'm not very knowledgeable about things like that. I do know that it is solid wood, even in the drawers. Nothing flimsy or particle board about it. And the mirror inside the flip-up lid looks pretty old. All I know is that 1) it is going to be lovely, 2) it is a hobby I enjoy doing, and 3) it was only $20. We were made for each other!

List of things to do before I am allowed to play with my new, old vanity:

Get the ceiling repaired in master bedroom
Paint the bedroom
Finish stripping off the wallpaper in the bathroom (I thought was fun for about, oh 20 minutes then I got bored, leaving it looking like a hideous disaster)
Paint the kitchen
Re-model the bathrooms

I just need to focus, and concentrate on one thing at a time. Either that, or get rich and hire someone to do it all so I can play!

January 22, 2006

You Can Lead Me to the Kitchen, But You Cannot Make Me Cook

I have this friend who loves to cook. Even knowing that I'm not too fond of cooking, he once insisted on sharing with me a "simple" recipe. He told me the few ingredients to purchase, and instructed me on how to make it. My eyes glazed over, though, when the instructions included something about a warming light and copper pan to melt the cheese. Is he for real? Has he seen my kitchen? I am not a kitchen gadget sort of gal. So he said, OK, then just use a double-boiler pan. Searching my memory way, way back to 8th grade Home Economics, I could almost picture one, so I said "yeah, OK!" very enthusiastically as if I actually owned one.

January 20, 2006

The Much Anticipated Margaritafest - At Last!

We did it! Jules and I finally met FTS for margaritas! And it was a lot of fun! After meeting us, FTS has changed his mind about moving to Denver. You heard me right, he's not going there after all. His new destination: Alaska. (He mumbled something about Denver not being far enough away from me and my sister.) I'm just lying making that up, but I do think he now plans to get out of town sooner than his March goal.

Monty was right, his eyes are incredible. I brought my daughter with me and she immediately said she wants contacts like his. FTS doesn't wear colored contacts and said so. She said she just wants hers to be that color blue.

He took a picture of us which I think he may post on his site. There were some cute, sexy little blond girls going around passing out Miller Lite freebies in the restaurant, I kept trying to get FTS to take a picture of one of them and say it was me.

When we parted ways, he probably left with a big sigh, grateful to be getting away from three chatty women. I told him I hope we do that again soon, and I really mean it. He is a neat guy!

January 19, 2006

Remarks/Questions That I Won't Likely Ever Hear (At Least Not Directed Toward ME, Anyway)

"Ohmigosh! This is DELICIOUS! You MADE this?"

"May I have your autogr... Oh! Pardon me; I thought you were Angelina Jolie! The resemblance is uncanny!"

"Will you just cut loose and act like a goofball at least once in awhile?"

"Ma'am, the PETITE department is THAT way."

"We're going to have to thin this out a bit; you just have waaay too much hair!"

"You're a perfect mother; you do absolutely everything right and make it seem SO easy!"

"Johnny Depp called; he said he'd be a few minutes late picking you up tonight."

"I have never seen anyone swim/run/dance with such grace and elegance!"

January 18, 2006

Don't Be Hating Just Cuz You're Jealous

I have a talent that many of you may be amazed by: I can cross one eye toward my nose, while the other eye looks straight ahead. I can't tell you how many folks I have entertained with this feat. I wish I had a dollar for every time my kids proudly said, "Do that eye thing, mom! Show them your eye trick!"

But not everyone is properly impressed. In fact, once I showed my personal trainer at the gym and he said to me, "I highly recommend you never do that in public again."

He was just jealous if you ask me.

January 16, 2006

Stand Back, People.... I Have a Putty-Knife and I Know How to Use It!

First, I must warn you... I am sitting in an office chair from Wal-Mart that I assembled MYSELF. So if you hear a loud crash... and see something similar to this: odvgo7 e# ngn* lodv;wm - that is me typing from the floor. Translated it means: "I've fallen and I can't get up, please call 911."

I got a phone call this morning from my sister. She asked me if I'd read
FTS yet. I said, "No, Jules, I have a friend from work coming over and I am frantically trying to catch up on housework. I have not even turned on the computer." She said that I should, as FTS wrote about me. Me? What'd I do? So I briefly stopped rearranging the dust in my house to check out his site. Awwww, how sweet! Birthday wishes for me! And he sent so many people over to say Happy Birthday. Thanks, so much!

All I had time to do was comment on his site, and then get on with the housework. I was determined to trick my friend into thinking I clean house more than once a year. He walked up to the back door while I was spraying Windex on the door window. Considering it was doggie nose prints I was wiping off, and the fact that I gave my dog to
Jules quite some time ago, I don't think he was fooled.

Now before any gossip starts about a man coming to my house, let me tell you why he was here. I am trying to do some home repairs, and he came over to show me how to fix some things around the house. Man, I gotta tell you... this guy is easy. For the price of a cheeseburger at Snuffers, he was wall-putty in my hands. It was like having a personal handy-man from one of those TV shows show up at my door. He walked me through what all we needed on our list, we went to the store together, and he pointed out exactly what to buy, (getting me out of Home Depot in record time) then gave me step by step instructions back at my house.

This is too cool, people. I feel like
Poopie must have when she got her power sander. I feel empowered, I feel like Susie Homebuilder. Heck, I may put my fist through a wall tomorrow, just because I know how to patch it, and I HAVE THE STUFF TO PATCH IT WITH!

January 13, 2006

Life's Pretty Darn Good, and Here's Proof:

Last night, my son and his girlfriend came over with movies. They picked some they thought I'd like, brought them over, and sat down and watched them with me! This gives me hope, people. Hope that some day when I am in a nursing home, they will visit me! Lord knows it's not my cooking or a chance of an inheritance that brings them by. They like me, they really like me! (The first one of you that mentions pity is in big trouble. That goes for you, too, son.)
Y Y Y Y Y
My son informed me that he has enrolled in college! Yay! I've been hoping he would, but I wanted it to be his idea. Oh, and his money. That too.
Y Y Y Y
I finally know how to pronounce Hermione! Yes! If it was explained before book four, I missed it. I am thoroughly enjoying the fifth Harry Potter book now that I don't have to pronounce her name fourteen ways in my head before I can go on.
Y Y Y
My daughter got a little taste of what I went through when I took her and her best friend to New York. She had to wait an eternity for two of her friends to "fix up" before they all went out to dinner. They took so long getting ready, that their only choices were IHop and the bowling alley. Justice. Yes, sweet justice.
Y Y
And those are some of the reasons why I'm grinning like a fat woman with her feet up sippin' wine and enjoying a quiet Friday night.
Y
Life is good!

January 10, 2006

My Kids May Shoot Me for Telling You This

I think it's important to learn from your mistakes. I also think it can be very beneficial to learn from the mistakes of others. But this is not exactly what I had in mind:

My son went to a summer YMCA Sports Camp one year. I can't remember how old he was, but perhaps he'll reply in the comments. He sorta, kinda got in a wee bit of trouble for "borrowing" one of his dad's Playboy magazines and showing it off to the other day campers. You know, first there's the trouble from the camp counselors, then there's the trouble from the parents at home - which inevitably little sister hears about.

I recently found out in one of those "Let's Tell Mom All The Rotten Things We Got Away With Right Under Her Nose HA HA Isn't That a Hoot" dinners (which I thought would take place at least a year after BOTH kids had moved out) that my daughter learned a lot from that incident.

When my daughter found a a stash of similar magazines in her brother's old bedroom after he left home, did she throw them away in disgust? No. Did she use them for blackmail against her big brother? No. Did she show them off to other kids? Of course not! She learned from someone else's mistake, remember?

She sold them on the school bus.

January 07, 2006

I'll See Your MeMe, and I'll Raise You Three More! (Oh Forget It - I'm Bluffing)

Way back in November Lis tagged me with this meme. I tried several times to do it. The questions were great, but I found some of my answers a bit too incriminating.

Then in December Wrath of Dawn tagged me with this
meme. I really thought this one would be easy but found that I've just about run out of weird things about me that I'm willing to admit I haven't already confessed to in my blog. Here is a copy and paste from the draft of my aborted attempt at that meme:

1) I sleep in a bunkbed
2) I love to watch the garbage truck pick up and dump my trash bins
3)
4)
5)

So I saw
FTS from Follow That Star and TSB over at The Space Between did the following meme, and thought I would attempt it. Couldn't get to 7 things on any topic:

Seven things I plan to do before I die:

1) Attend My Daughter's Wedding (this could possibly make me immortal)
2) Play with my grandchildren (But not anytime soon! My kids and I are too young!)
3) Buy a piano and take lessons
4) Get back in shape
5) Visit the Black Hills of South Dakota once more
6)
7)

Seven things I can do:

1) Drive a motorcycle
2) Kayak
3) Drive a standard automobile
4) Roller Blade
5) Play poker
6)
7)

Seven things I can't do:
1) Tell a convincing lie
2) Bend over easily
3) Cook worth a darn
4) Sew worth a darn
5)
6)
7)

Seven things that attract me to another person:
1) Patience
2) Tolerance
3) Kindness
4) Humor
5)
6)
7)

Seven things I say most often:

1) Holy Crapamoli!
2) Holy Schnikeys!
3) Holy Guacamole!
4) Lord Help Me!
5) I don't feel good!
6)
7)

Finally, I have tagged myself from Bornfool with this much easier meme:

Four Jobs I've had In My Life:

Waitress/cook/cabin cleaner at a resort on Grand Lake (I was 16 - my first job)
Cashier at a Quick Stop (also while a teenager)
Hotel Clerk (was a part time job just last year)
Bank Teller (my first full-time job out of high school)

Four Movies I Could Watch Over and Over:

Urban Cowboy (John Travolta in that black hat on that bull.... mmmhhhmmmm)
Mind The Gap (really cool stories)
Grease (and my daughter and I can sing all the songs!)
Edward Scissorhands (Just a really cool movie)

Four TV Shows I Love To Watch:

CSI
Scrubs
Two and a Half Men
Navy NCIS


Four Places I Have Been On Vacation:

The Bahamas (I was 20, I stayed at a Club-Med, it was awesome!)
New York City (took my daughter there for Spring Break, and my son for his 19th birthday)
San Francisco (Went there at age 19 and loved it)
Orlando, FL (Took the kids to Disney World - Universal Studios was more fun, though!)

Four Websites I Visit Daily:

www.cnn.com (I don't take the paper and I don't watch the news on TV)
My bank's website (to check my balance)
www.launch.yahoo.com (to listen to music while I blog)
www.freecycle.org (just in case someone's trash is my treasure, ya know?)

Four Of My Favorite Foods:

Chips and Salsa (anywhere, any time)
Spring Rolls with Peanut Sauce (from The Green Papaya at Cedar Springs and Oak Lawn)
Pistachio Chicken (from Cafe Istanbul)
Sweet Potato Fries (served by that hot waiter at Hattie's in Oak Cliff)

Four Places I'd Rather Be Right Now:

In the arms of Johnny Depp (But not as his Willy Wonka character)
In Austin, turning in my winning lottery ticket (Can you say Mega Millions?)
At a Michael Buble Concert (front row, getting to touch him would be cool)
In my hammock with a good book (except the dog ate
my hammock)

I Have a Question

I was in my bed, under a sheet and a good, warm comforter trying to read. But it was hard to hold the book because I was shivering. So I got up to turn on the heater and thought: "Well no wonder I'm so cold, it's 66 degrees in here!"

And that got me to wondering...

Why is it that if our normal body temperature is 98.6, we are not comfortable if the room is that temperature? Maybe some of you scientifics like
Hoss could tell me. I'm sure some of you will laugh as this was probably something I would have learned in school if I'd been paying attention.

***Update*** after reading one of the comments, I re-read my post and I don't think I worded it right. What I mean to say that I was my shivering in bed made me wonder why if we are 98.6 degrees, we're not comfortable at 98 degrees. I think I made it sound like I was wondering why I wasn't comfortable at 66. I just don't get it. If my house was 98 degrees I'd be uncomfortable. I guess I'm just too dense to understand it, but it seems like if the outside temperature matched my inside temperature I'd be happy, right?

January 04, 2006

Witness a Miracle, People!

Here it is, folks. The first ever picture taken by moi. Not shamelessly stolen from the internet. This is an actual photo of MY hand holding MY cell phone taken with my daughter's digital camera. Eventually uploaded to the computer after only several hundred attempts and cries for help. (she's grumpy when I call her out of the bathtub... or away from a good book... or from bed) Then after a seemingly endless search to find out where the darn thing was located in the computer... HERE IT IS. Yes, you saw it here first. A modern miracle. I'm sorry, I'm getting a bit teary-eyed, and swelling with pride. Sigh.

OK on with the post. A short one - not quite worth all this trouble.

Cell Phones Are a Great Way to Communicate With Your Teen. Especially When You're on the Bus Headed For Downtown Before They Even Get Out of Bed!

Text message from Ma to Mallory: 7:30 a.m. U up for school?

Text message from Mallory to Ma: 7:31 a.m. yea

Text message from Ma to Mallory: 7:32 a.m. thanks hon. Sorry you hate school. I hope something good happens today to make you like it

Text message from Mallory to Ma: 7:33 a.m. What? Like it blows up?

January 03, 2006

Is It Just Me?

Have you ever just bumped into a wall for no good reason? I'm not talking about walking head into it, just bumped your elbow, or shoulder, or your hand. And you're not drunk and you're not dizzy, and you've been walking by that very wall for fifteen years.

Or is that just me?

Ladies, have you ever been lucky enough for your pantyhose to last more than one day, but the next time you put them on they have a big black mark from the inside heel of the shoe that now shows on your ankle creeping up toward the back of your calf?

Or is that just me?

Have you ever had to tug so hard to get your jeans up over your hips that you eventually rip little holes where the belt loops are sewn to your pants?

Or is that just me?

Have you ever tried to pretend like it didn't bother you that every one of your girlfriends got asked to dance but you, and so you sit there in the club trying to act all sexy and nonchalant and scan the room, and go to take a sip from the straw in your fancy schmancy girly drink... and stick it straight up your nose?

Don't answer. That's just me.

January 02, 2006

Somehow in the Last Year I've Turned Into Slugzilla

I have been living alone for the past two weeks. My daughter spent her Christmas break in Oklahoma with her best friend. I've been shuffling around the house in my slippers and talking to myself for two weeks. Just me and the cat. I finally got my daughter back yesterday. Last night we pigged out on SnickerDoodles and watched "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants." I heard something in the middle of the night, and thought "Gasp! Someone's in the house!" Oh yeah, duh. Mallory's back. It sure is nice to have her home.

Everybody's doing it, so I guess I might as well set some New Year's Resolutions:

1) I will go back to the gym more faithfully (just so a small set of stairs won't kill me)
2) I will not become obsessive about it again (working out twice a day, 6 days a week)
3) I will eat the things I like (my days of chicken breast and raw spinach are over)
4) I will stop being obsessive about my weight - up or down
5) I will no longer consider killing be so intolerant of my next-cubicle-neighbor
6) I will cut back on my drinking (I didn't say stop)
7) I will start putting more money in my savings account
8) To buy another motorcycle!

That's enough. I can't stands no more!