December 29, 2005

Yep, I Taught Her That! (Lessons That Fortunately Didn't Stick)

<--My baby girl, Mallory.
"Yikes! I have only one week to learn how to catch, throw, and hit a softball." That is what I said the day I found out that my daughter's team was having a "Kids vs. Parents" game for their end of season party. Why didn't they warn me at the beginning of the season? I wouldn't have jumped up cheering every great play she made lying yelling, "I taught her that!"
One day about a year ago, my husband and I were taking Mallory to her golf lesson. Her dad was trying to stress all this trivial stuff about her form, equipment, and etiquette on the golf course. I butted in and said, "Sweetie, it's not how you play, it's how good-looking your golf-pro is and how cute you look in your little outfit". Of course they knew I was only kidding. Come on, I'm not that stupid. I know what really matters in golf! It's who gets the highest score, right?
Recently I brought my daughter downtown to work with me. She observed something about me and was pretty quick to point it out. She noticed that every time I walk by a mirror, window, whatever shiny surface might reflect my image, I "check myself out". Huh? Doesn't every woman do that? Oh wait, I remember the time that I discovered every woman does not do that. It was an after work happy hour and I came back from the restroom very depressed. Of course my friends wanted to know why, so I explained to them that the walls of the bathroom stall were so shiny black that I glanced over and saw my reflection. I got for the first time, a glimpse of what I looked like with skirt hiked up sitting on the toilet. Gut hanging over one way; rear the other, thighs hanging over both sides. Very depressing. Guess those other women hadn't noticed that before, because it was their next trip down the hall that ruined their night.


Blogger shootergirl said...

i enjoyed reading your entries

7:02 PM  
Blogger bubba said...

My eyes are burning. Agghhhh. Too much. Too much. I gotta go and watch a macho flick quick.

7:47 PM  
Blogger FTS said...

You? Playing softball? Well, see now, I'm a big baseball fan. I want to come watch that game.

8:36 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

Well, the look is good. A sense of humor! Can't beat that.

8:43 PM  
Blogger ShooShoo said...

HAHAHA... ya killin me. If it's any consolation, you ain't the only one with the gut/butt/thigh hanging issue. ;)

12:06 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hivy, I think that's another one for the TMI file, you should concentrate on telling us about your good points...... Oh, they were your good points sooorry.

4:55 AM  
Blogger MarkD60 said...

Sometimes when I'm walking down the street, and I see my reflection in a storefront window or somewhere, I almost jump out of my skin, because I don't look how I feel. I see a mean looking, scowling scary guy.
I bet you look great, even at your worst. And remember, nobody likes those dried up 'ol skinny supermodel-type women. Most, (me especially) prefer a curvy, soft womanly body (like Yours)!

5:11 AM  
Anonymous Penny said...

Boy, can I relate to that one! Everytime I catch my reflection in a bathroom stall I have to scream out "Who are you and what have you done with my body?!?!"

Beautiful daughter there, Ivy!

5:25 AM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

If I cared about how I LOOKED... would I look like this! I DOUBT IT! I'd look more like Tom Cruise and less like Tom Hayden! Mallory is a cute girl (well... except for the IVY face she's making in the first shot). PLEASE make sure someone at the GAME knows CPR! ~ jb///

6:39 AM  
Anonymous TSB said...

I can honestly say I have never looked at myself in the bathroom stall nor do I care to, ewwwwwww. That is so not the picture I want of myself to establish some level of self confidence. LOL

Your daugher is a beauty :)

6:41 AM  
Blogger Pat Angello said...

Mirrors should never be near toilets - period!

Love the pic of Mallory. I'd say it would embarrass her, but I know she has it on her OWN blog.

Aren't goofy kids great?

Tell her to write more!

9:10 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Damn those shiny bathroom stalls! Mallory is gorgeous sweetie.

10:16 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

You gotsa a beautiful babygirl there Ivy! I'm like you though...I thought golf was all about the pro and the outfit.

11:45 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

Your daughter turned out as pretty as her mother!

5:17 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

LOL. Great post.

Beautiful daughter. Whoa.

Of course we check ourselves out. If we weren't supposed to look in mirrors, why are they there?

As far as softball goes, it is better to look good than to field good.

5:21 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Your daughter is beautiful!
I hope she inherited your marvelous sense of humor to compliment her good looks.
I don't think anyone looks good sitting on the toilet. I can't see anything alluring or attractive about that.

8:32 PM  
Blogger Lis said...

LOL.....I hope you checked your heel for trailing toilet paper before you left the bathroom! And don't get me started again on hemlines!!!!:)

9:32 PM  
Blogger Krisco said...

Even with the goofy look, your daughter is a beauty.

Just guessing, but I don't think the other parents took you too literally on that "I taught her that!" thing. : )

But yes, they SHOULD have given you a heads up at the begining of the season to practice!!! I would have needed it. : )

12:01 AM  
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1:08 AM  
Blogger bubba said...

Happy New Year

5:47 AM  
Blogger Marti said...


Your daughter is beautiful!

Making a list to thank everyone who commented on my blog in 2005 - you did - thank you! List to post later today. Best wishes for 2006!

6:29 AM  
Blogger FTS said...

Have a safe and happy New Year! Don't do anything Jules wouldn't. ;)

10:55 AM  
Blogger jules said...

Okay, FTS is back to being his usual smart ass self...I see...
And that DOES leave your options WIDE open, sis.

11:18 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Very "up" and "out"-lifting story.

Handsome/beautiful kids, Ivy. Must be the genes, so you're not getting away with any of those "I'm so ugly" jokes. We know better.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Merle said...

Hi Ivy - I am Peter's sister & would like to thank you for your Christmas wishes. You have some great looking kids there.
Happy New Year to you & your family.

3:47 AM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

-I am always on the ready if they ever pull one of those parents vs kids things. Got to ready for everything lol.
-It is all about how you look, only if you can walk the walk as well :D
-And I am one of those guys that is always 'checking myself out' It helps me keep myself up as the years go one. And anyone that puts mirrors or highly reflective surfaces in bathrooms that show you on the bowl needs to be hurt. I went to a friends house once and he had a huge mirror next to the potty and you could see yourself when you were on the job. It was sooo bothersome and impossible not to look. I hate that bathroom!

8:08 AM  

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