December 28, 2005

True Story - I Swear This Happened

I've been out of high school 25 years now. At my 10-year reunion one former football jock raised his shirt to show off his big, fat belly, patted it proudly and proclaimed, "See how good my wife cooks!" My scrawny husband lifted his shirt, patted his shipwreck-survivor-like ribs (gently, so they wouldn't crumble to dust) and said, "You see how mine cooks."


Blogger Matthew said...

The former football jock's wife slings hash like a short order cook at a truck stop, and you cook like a gourmet dietitian?

4:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Honey, cookin' ain't everything.

Trust me on this.


5:31 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

There's just no pleasing some people Ivy, you probably saved the jerk from aheart attack.

5:32 AM  
Anonymous Penny said...

I love seeing fat football jocks! I'm willing to bet it wasn't his wife's cooking, either ... it was all the beer he was drinking sitting on his butt watching football and trying to convince himself (and everybody else) that he was still a "stud".

5:40 AM  
Anonymous TSB said...

Please tell me you kicked his ass....

5:47 AM  
Blogger Ivy the Goober said...

ha ha, people, I'm not making fun of the jock. I'm not making fun of my husband. It's me :)

I only pick on myself! That way I won't sue me (I think)

5:57 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

*LOL* Better a thin hubby than a fat one, IMHO.

6:08 AM  
Blogger poopie said...

Heh. I've heard that's the way to a man's heart. I'd rather go the other way, if you know what i mean ;)

8:34 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

It's a good thing we know poopie is so nice or we might think she meant;
The best way to a mans heart is straight through the chest with a sharp knife>

1:15 PM  
Blogger FTS said...

Not gonna make any cooking comments. Nope. Nuh uh. No way. Not gonna do it... :x

2:03 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I bet your cooking was just fine. He needed a swift kick in the buttocks for that snide remark. Of course, you could have said, "If my cooking is so bad, we will just go out and eat from now on."

3:00 PM  
Blogger LZ Blogger said...

I see how sensitive this guy WAS! Seems to explain a LOT! :) ~ jb///

3:14 PM  
Blogger bubba said...

Well then if has a problem with cooking then he should do it. If fat belly thinks thats the way to tell if the cooking is good then he should cook. lol.

3:53 PM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Well, stop pickin' on YOU. I like YOU.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous Mitch said...

I'm thinner than dad now. I think that's why Jess' mom got her a cook book for Christmas

12:04 AM  
Blogger Trucker Bob said...

You graduated from High School at age 3? WOW!

Happy New Year Ivy.

4:44 AM  
Blogger Da Gal said...

Hmmm I must be the best cook in the world if the size of one's belly is the way to determine that. Funny how I don't seem to spend enough time in the kitchen to be a good cook though. Hmmm *scratching my head* No wait... *scratching my belly*

5:19 AM  
Blogger mreddie said...

Every man should know how to cook for himself - or at least know how to boil water or use the microwave without blowing it up. :) Then if the wife is late coming home from the salt mines, he won't starve. ec

6:48 AM  
Blogger Miss Cellania said...

If he doesn't like your cooking, there's always takeout. That can fatten him up, too!

6:54 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

I thought about this last night. My husband's brother (the dreadful Owen) told me when he was here last,that I feed my husband too well. So, it's all my fault that my husband's middle is too big. Women are responsible for everything? Ya know?

10:48 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

And then you said to your husband, "You hungry, Bud? Bite my ass."

Ivy 1, Hubby 0

3:07 PM  
Blogger honkeie2 said...

If I tried that with my wife I would have gotten a hand to the back of the head lol

8:12 AM  

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