December 05, 2005

I'm an Excellent Driver (Uh Oh...Fifteen Minutes to Wopner...)

I have only "totaled" two vehicles in my life. (Well... two that weren't my fault. Three if you count the one that was my fault) Don't get all excited, people. It's quite normal for the insurance company to "total" a car that has a value of...Oh, say... $35. Anyway, we're going to stick to the two incidents in which I was not to blame. Save the other story for later, how's that?

The reason these two collisions (separated by almost 10 years) are noteworthy events in my life is because they had at least one common denominator. I tried to figure out what that was. "Why me?", I cried. (sorta like Nancy Kerrigan) These accidents were not only NOT my fault, they were also unavoidable! But really? Were they really unavoidable? I mean, when I try to be honest and truly ask myself: "Could I have avoided these two wrecks?" The answer is yes: I could have worn a bra. It's that simple. Two times in my adult life I left the house without a bra. Two times in my life I had a car accident that (did I mention?) WAS NOT MY FAULT. Coincidence? I think not.

Now you may be wondering how I can recall that on those two particular days I was not wearing my brassiere. Both incidents involved a "quick" trip somewhere. Trips in which I promised myself that I would not even have to leave the car. Therefore, no one would know that I was bra-less. But then tragedy struck. Or in the case of the first incident, a pickup-truck hauling a boat struck. Standing beside the road with all the other drivers involved in this multi-car pile-up, I was self-consciously aware that I had my arms strategically crossed in front of me to hide the fact that this was all my fault because I WASN'T WEARING A BRA.

The second incident was when a semi-truck took the top half of my car off when making his left hand turn while I was at a stop sign. Being another bra-less episode, this caused quite a bit of embarrassment when that cute fireman felt all around my ribs for broken bones sticking out. Yeah, I know... some of you (Jules) would have gotten a cheap thrill out of that, but for me it was humiliating.

I now have a better understanding of why people (rubber-neckers) gawk at car accidents.

Totally random question that has NOTHING to do with the above post: Who ( besides me) loves the smell of a brand-new shower curtain?


Blogger Dorothy said...

Omg...I LOVE the smell of a new shower curtain!!! Funny story, Ivy...oh man do you realize how many braless trips I have made and with slippers on and bad hair and everything and I'm going please God please God let me not have this car break down or get in an accident where I have to get out and show these people what I REALLY look like? Funny post!

2:56 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

Ooo we even have the same bra rules!! Though I've never been in an accident, I did once do something very stupid with my bra when being driven by my boyfriend - it popped undone, and thinking that no one could see me I reached around myself to do it up. It was only when a woman walking down the pavement gapwed that I realised I'd lifted my shirt too high and was showing her my boobs ;o)

3:22 AM  
Blogger Karlos said...

Well I hope you learned your lesson missy. Only drive braless when you're in San Antonio. I do!

Can't say that I love the smell of a new shower curtain, but it does elicit a certain reaction I can't pinpoint. We just got new ones a couple of weeks ago. Usually gets a "Hmm" and a nod.

3:43 AM  
Blogger jules said...

The smell of new vinyl turns you on? Hmmmmm.....

4:03 AM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hivy, those Texas firemen are VERY thourough aren't they!!
Plasticy shower curtains, YUK, the ones that are like a waterproof nylony sorta stuff are OK.

4:40 AM  
Blogger bubba said...

Your a sick puppy. This bra less thing has another explantion. Your top half is maybe so beautiful that it causes men to crash just to get close to you.

Smelley shower curtians are not on my list. When the coffee beans are being ground is.

Love your site and your post.

5:37 AM  
Blogger Prerona said...

Hello! I came over from Peters blog! LOL. This was so funny! You have put The Fear in me ... will never leave house without, ever!!! :0)

7:03 AM  
Blogger Prerona said...

Hello! I came over from Peters blog! LOL. This was so funny! You have put The Fear in me ... will never leave house without, ever!!! :0)

7:03 AM  
Blogger Cliff Morrow said...

Having always been a supporter of non support, I enjoyed your story. When we were young and my wife wore halter tops all of the time, she drove the almost 9 miles to town before she realized she was only wearing a bra, and no top. Quick turn around and it's a good thing no one got in her way.
Now Ivy, the reason I'm here is to ask "How are You". I've been chuckling for an hour about your gentle attempt at comforting the dying over at Jamie Dawns.

7:13 AM  
Blogger FTS said...

How do you get from braless wrecks to vinyl shower curtains in one post...? DO you turn in traffic without signaling?

7:35 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

HA! New shower curtain smell? No, not one of my favorite smells. Baked bread, fresh coffee, the spring breeze, yes.

7:58 AM  
Blogger Saur♥Kraut said...

You know, often when I feel uncomfy ... "off" ... in some way is when I get in a car accident. I don't know why(?) Certainly running out w/o a bra would qualify.

10:32 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

I don't know about the accident you have yet to report about, but clearly these two WERE YOUR FAULT. And you know why, don't you? It is because you were in the wrong place!! If you had been somewhere else, neither of these accidents would have happened, and you wouldn't have had to show your boobies to the fireman.

11:25 AM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

I do! Reminds me of getting a brand new dolly! I can almost smell it now. :)
I also was taken out by a semi while at a stop sign. Crazy. I did had a bra on, however. ;)
Lois Lane

11:27 AM  
Blogger mreddie said...

Moral of this story is to never drive without your . . uh . car keys? :) Great story. ec

1:05 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

You wrote that and posted it in just 15 minutes? Good job. Good story.

1:42 PM  
Anonymous Monique said...

Didn't your momma ever tell you never to leave the house without wearing clean underwear? Oh wait, wrong undergarments. My bad. :)

1:54 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

New shower cutains smell grrreat!

For goodness sake, wear a bra from now on, will ya?
If not, just have a bumper sticker that says:
Hit me! I'm bra-less.

On a personal note: Keep your sense of humor flowing. It will help carry you through bad days.

2:32 PM  
Blogger Whistler71 said...

My grandmother always told me, "Never leave the house without a bra and clean drawers"! Guess she was wise!

2:50 PM  
Anonymous TSB said...

You are certifiable....thats all I have to say on the subject

9:08 PM  
Blogger FTS said...

I forgot to mention earlier that if TSB comes down here for Margaritafest, I want a ten minute head start when we leave. Between you and your wrecks and her running over curbs no one is safe within a ten mile radius.

9:12 PM  
Blogger se7en said...

Damn girl, I would hate to hear about any accidents that were caused by you going without panties! All I can say is don't even try it!


9:28 PM  

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