December 12, 2005

I Know FTS and SIRS GIRL Hate Them, But They're Like Money in Some Places, People!

You've all seen the little things on other blog sites that you can play. Things like: "What's my Elf Name?" And I'm certain you've heard of: "What's My Blog Worth?" What about: "I'm a ____ in The TTLB Blogosphere Ecosystem"? We click on those places, fill in our names or our web sites, and then we all have a fun time comparing ourselves to each other.

Well, here's a new one for you:

"How Many Cigarettes Would I Be Worth In Prison?"

Sorry, folks. I don't have any links for you to click on. I don't know how to program something for you to fill in, so you'll get back a funny answer. I made that title up. You're on your own. You'll either have to determine for yourself how many cigarettes you'd be worth, or ask your friends - maybe they can tell you!

But I can let you in on the birth of this genius idea. The credit really belongs to one of my friends. We were having a discussion about someone we'd heard of that went to prison. My Dear Friend (who I will from now on call DF) and I had a conversation that went something like this:

DF: "I've always wanted to know how many cigarettes I'd bring in prison. It's just a philosophical question that I hope never to really have answered."
Ivy: "Four."
DF: "It's sort of a self-worth thing. Is that four cigarettes, or four packs?"
Ivy: "Four cigarettes."
DF: "Oh. I'd be like the prison blue light special in the scratch and dent bin."


Ivy - who knows full well it's her friends that are funny, not her.


Blogger Peter said...

Firsties, now that I'm a reformed smoker, (15 years) DF can have my whole ration, (do you get a cig ration in prison?)

1:00 AM  
Blogger Jona said...

Four??? I'd be in trouble within an houror tow! Hope I'm worth more, or better still, never have to find out ;o)

2:21 AM  
Blogger Karlos said...

Hey.....I'm not sure I like thinking about how many cigs I'm worth in prison. It frightens me. Now I'm gonna have bad dreams!

Oh, and you are too funny!

2:57 AM  
Blogger jules said...

I'd be worth a whole carton, but I'd be in women's prison, so it wouldn't do 'em any good. I don't swing that way. ;)

4:18 AM  
Anonymous Penny said...

Only four cigs? OUCH! I don't think they refer to it as the "scratch & dent bin" ... however, the blue plate special might apply.

5:37 AM  
Blogger bubba said...

I get a carton a week just to stay away from kitchen duty.

5:54 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

Only four cigs? Huh! Cheap.

I don't figure I'd be worth much in prison. I'd be a basket case for sure.

6:42 AM  
Blogger McSwain said...

Ha Hah! Well, at least you're good at picking funny friends. I've read here quite a bit, but don't know if I've ever commented. Just wanted to say hi.

10:14 AM  
Blogger bulletbow said...

In the words of the recently LATE / Great comic Richard Pryor, "I kept the boys in prison laff'in all de time, so I wouldn't have to give up de BOO-DEE!", ~ Now that's FUNNY! So IVY, the moral is... have them KEEP the CIG's, but just keep them laughing!, ~ jb///

12:16 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

Perish even the thought! I wouldn't be worth a thing in prison. I'd be scared to death most of the time and I'd just die if anyone approached me in "that" way.
Excuse me while I vomit now.
You are very funny! I blogrolled you right away because I enjoy your posts every day. And, NO, I don't want you sending me any cigarettes for these compliments.

1:05 PM  
Blogger aka_monty said...

I figure on a good day I'm worth at LEAST a carton. Of Marlboros.

2:34 PM  
Blogger poopie said...

*snort* I'd give four cartons to read your stuff Ivy.

3:51 PM  
Anonymous Monique said...

Oh, I just don't even want to know... This conjures all sorts of things I don't want to be thinking about!!

5:59 PM  
Anonymous DF said...

I thought I would have been worth more than four too. But maybe I'm thinking back to when I was young and thin and didn't have gray hair. Maybe my cigarette value has dropped that low. And since I use this as a way of measuring my self-esteem...well, let's just say I need a drink (and a cigarette or four).

9:07 PM  
Blogger se7en said...

I don't know how many I would be worth, but I'm sure I could get all I wanted or I would have ta kick some ass! hehe


4:54 AM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Four cigarettes or 400 cartons, it don't matter. With "No Smoking" the rule in most prisons, cigarettes would be worth jack shit. Now loaded dominoes and sharp shanks, that is a diff. story.

11:02 AM  
Blogger FTS said...

Ugh. I'd rather be forced to play those "What ____ would you be" than deal with those nasty cigs. Ick.

1:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dunno, Ivy...I've seen "Caged Heat" and from what I could tell, the women prisoners seemed to have a different system of bartering besides cigs.

Then again, "Caged Heat" should not necessarily be used as a direct, exact comparison...

I'd say you're worth a whole pack. But I think cigs are rationed in the sense that they're sold in the prison store and you only get so much $ allotted to you. I'm not speaking from direct experience, just so you don't get any funny idears...

whose trivia knowledge has really gotten her in a pickle this time...

4:01 PM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

Too funny! I will find a way to make this a quiz if it kills me. Thanks for giving me a project to work on in my otherwise boring existence. :)
Lois Lane

10:54 AM  

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