November 01, 2005

Mouth Terminated. Receives "Fails to Meet Expectations" Rating

My mouth has hereby been fired from being my spokespeice. I will no longer be using its services. All of its former communication duties will be taken over by my hands, which will convey messages either by keyboard, pen and paper, whiteboard, or a thump to the head. Over and over, time and time again, my mouth has proved to me that it is just not a team player. There have been many times when, without any direct orders from my brain it just begins to speak. But then today, when I desperately needed it to speak, it remained silent, failing me miserably. My brain kept sending it a signal to "tell the judge this, tell the judge that... and what about THIS... Come on mouth, SAY SOMETHING! You remember! We've talked about all this before!" Instead, when it heard the judge say that he WOULD NOT GRANT MY DIVORCE, my stupid mouth just sat there. And then the lips started trembling, and then the tears started coming, and then the face got all hot. Oh sure, everybody listen to that stupid quivering mouth why don't you? Just abandon me. Just stand there and bawl like a baby in front of the judge. Screw you all, who needs you? Well not me, I'm taking the rest of the body and we're outta here. At least the legs still do what I want! (well, not always - actually, I can't quite convince them how cool it would be to be able to do the splits, or say... put my feet behind my head). So I turned and fled the courtroom. But that idiot crybaby mouth followed me to the car and we sat there sobbing until my head started to hurt.

Ah, but maybe this is all my brain's fault after all, for thinking that I could get out of this marriage without making a couple of lawyers rich.

10 Comments:

Blogger jules said...

I'm on my way to help you bury the body. Make sure you have the shovel ready.

3:55 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

What backward state you live in, Mississippi?

4:08 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I'm sorry you had such a craptastic day honey. It just sucks that you have to spend money on lawyers. Take care.

4:19 PM  
Blogger se7en said...

That bites! I hope you get it ironed out!

Anyway, I hope the new look cheers you up at least a little bit :)

8)

6:12 PM  
Anonymous Monique said...

Awww, I'm sorry it didn't go the way you needed it to. On the positive side, I really like the new look of your blog!

6:25 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hi ???, sorry your day turned to crap.
The new look site is A-OK, pretty as a picture.

7:03 PM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

Well shit! I'm sorry you had a craptastic day! Here's to hoping tomorrow sucks way less. :)
Your new design is pretty! Nice job Seven!
Lois Lane

7:48 PM  
Blogger midwest_hick said...

Wow....I've never heard of a judge denying a divorce.

8:26 PM  
Blogger FTS said...

Wow... what is that all about?

4:08 PM  
Blogger aka_monty said...

Did the assclown judge at least give a REASON for his (stupid) denial?

And another thing...WTF?

Can we write to someone about this travesty?
It sucks that you couldn't just look at him and say "Let me speak to your supervisor. NOW."

7:48 PM  

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