November 29, 2005

Mean Kids

I'm mad at myself for all those times in school when I heard someone being made fun of or picked on and did nothing about it. It always made me feel uncomfortable but I didn't ever say so. I felt like if I didn't add to the bullying, or laugh along with the bully, I wasn't doing anything wrong. But I was. Of course I always felt bad for the victim, but at the same time glad that I wasn't the one being made fun of. I wish I could go back to every one of those instances and have the guts to stand up for that person regardless of the consequences. I tell my kids that when it feels like the whole room is laughing at you, there is at least one person that is feeling your pain, but doesn't have the nerve to draw any of the fire their way.

31 Comments:

Blogger Peter said...

Yay first again, Hivy you little non-hero, at least you got to keep all your teeth by not interferring.

10:44 PM  
Blogger MarkD60 said...

I think I was (am) the one getting picked on, but sometimes I wonder how much of it was (is) just my imagination.

When I was a kid I couldn't wait to grow up, so all the BS would end, but adults are the same as little kids. I guess I'm still waiting to grow up!

3:38 AM  
Blogger jules said...

Those bullies just turn into mean adults. So you still have your chance. (I deal with OT every day!)

4:01 AM  
Blogger Trucker Bob said...

Damn girl, you're on a roll. Another good one!

4:36 AM  
Blogger bubba said...

How true that is. You never know just who is thinking what. But good on you for teaching your kids what you have learned.

7:14 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I was the one who usually stood up for the ones being picked on. Then, I was the one being picked on, and the other kid not being picked on anymore usually ran the other way. gratitude I tell ya.
I hated, (and still do hate) bullies. Your a good Mom Ivy.

8:49 AM  
Blogger Marti said...

Good point and excellent advice.

Thanks for a touching post!

9:40 AM  
Blogger No_Newz said...

Yup, mean people suck! Good post Ivy.
Lois Lane

9:56 AM  
Blogger Sudiegirl said...

I agree with you, Ivy...it's painful to watch kids being picked on and scary to stand up against it.

I have been both the picker and the pickee and neither position is beneficial in the long run.

I'm glad I'm older and have more cojones to speak up now, though...

Good post, darlin!
Sudiegirl

10:19 AM  
Blogger Tan Lucy Pez said...

You do an excellent service by talking to kids about this! I teach Sunday School and I've never thought to say what you're saying.

I do of course tell kids to try to get the courage to stick up for others. But it's hard. Kids are mostly on the edge of becoming the "picked-on one" themselves.

I came from a poor, broken family. But, amazingly, I was never the kid who got picked on. My sister Bonnie was picked on. I flattened many a kid on her behalf.

10:58 AM  
Blogger FTS said...

Kids can be cruel. Sadly, adults can be just as cruel.

What brought this on? Someone picking on you (besides me, of course)?

12:07 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

You have managed to reach into a spot of mine and really make me feel guilty. Many's the time I didn't stand up when I shoulda.

Well, now I'm off to read your Tuesday, Monday posts.

1:15 PM  
Blogger Jamie Dawn said...

I have always hated bullies. I still hate it when people treat others with disrespect. I can't imagine you being a bully at all. I'm sure you remember an instance or two when you failed to do the right thing, but I see you as a person who most likely befriended everyone.

1:31 PM  
Blogger The Wrath of Dawn said...

Oddly, I did pick up for kids being bullied (being a girl, teeth were never at risk). I was a very shy kid but something about bullies and the unfairness of their behaviour just made me see red and forget any shyness I might have otherwise felt. Often, that was all it took to get other kids to speak up too, and realize we'd all been silently cursing the bully.

Mind you, when it finally came my turn to be bullied, I don't think anyone stood up for me. So much for karma! I'm still glad I stuck up for the others, though.

Don't be mad at yourself. You did the best you could as a kid. It takes a lot guts (or in my case just a very bad temper!) to get involved and risk becoming the target yourself and I'm sure you made up for it afterwards by being kind and not reinforcing the bully's behaviour. You can't change the past but you're changing the future by by telling your kids how you feel now. I wish more moms would do that. Based on my children's experiences in school not many moms are teaching their children that level of ethics.

And by posting here, you've reminded all of us to pass on the message to our kids. Ivy - 1 Bullies - 0!

5:41 PM  
Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Anything I could say would be gilding the lily. You're a swell person, Ivy.

6:43 PM  
Blogger Lis said...

GREAT POST! I think the important thing is that, instead of just regreting the past, you were pro-active about the future and talked to your kids about bullying.
One of the proudest "momma moments" I ever had was watching my daughter stick up to a group of kids that were picking on schoolmate. She didn't know I was there, but simply did what she felt she needed to do. LOL, guess her nickname isn't MissFiesty for nothing!

6:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Once upon a time...long ago, before kindergarten, in "playschool" they called it, I was the bully you speak of in your post -- there was this child I teased and pushed around on the playground absolutely mercilessly.

Possibly the most shameful memory of my life. I wish I could undo how I behaved, somehow, or could in some small way make up to that person for what I did. You have the consolation of knowing that you weren't the cause of the problem. I got my comme-uppance several years later, when I got to experience what this child must have felt, but that in no way makes up for my own guilt.

7:41 PM  
Blogger se7en said...

Don't wrack yourself with guilt, it's not your fault! You can't be held accountable for the way others act.

8)

8:26 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

C,mon Hivy you owe us a post, lok at the bloody WV I,ve battled through for you.

WV qowldx

4:07 AM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

I was always the one BEING picked on and I never even said anything, so don't feel too bad.

if that were to happen now, I'd rip into them SO bad!!

9:51 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I'm with webmiztris. Don't feel bad, it's hard when you're young to stick up for other kids, you're too worried about it coming back to bite you.

10:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ivy:

You need to understand one thing...you're cared about more than you know.

If I need to kill someone (or just rip 'em a new one) for you or Jules, all you have ta do is say the word.

Your favorite beltway thug,
Sudiegirl

1:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ivy:

You need to understand one thing...you're cared about more than you know.

If I need to kill someone (or just rip 'em a new one) for you or Jules, all you have ta do is say the word.

Your favorite beltway thug,
Sudiegirl

1:29 PM  
Blogger poopie said...

I know what you mean...and I feel the same way. Mean kids turn into mean adults, then you can kick their ass ;)

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Penny said...

I was one of those kids that was picked on ... I found the best defense was humor. But it's nice to know that there was probably someone there feeling my pain. Maybe that's why I always go for the underdog now, huh?

2:23 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Amen to that! When I was in school I was so shy. There were these girls that were bullies and did mean things to one girl and I just sat there because I was scared of them. If I could do it over I'd tackle all of them! I was scared to tell on them for fear of revenge.

4:15 PM  
Blogger actonbell said...

Good post. I'm with Markd60-I got some of that picked-on action, myself. I wasn't the only one, though, and I do wish I'd stuck up for a certain boy. After all, I had nothing to lose. Of course, MY sticking up for him would not have stopped the abuse, but it might have made him feel a tiny bit better, who knows?

5:20 PM  
Anonymous Monique said...

I love what you tell your kids. Can I borrow that to tell my kids too? My daughter is in a situation right now where one of her friends is getting bulled by another girl at school. It's hard on them both, because she's afraid she's going to be next.

6:59 PM  
Blogger aka_monty said...

I was the bully.


Okay, not really. But I think many of us have 'gone along' when we shouldn't have. I, too, would change it if I could.
Don't beat yourself up over it~you're smart and courageous enough to admit it, and that's the amazing part. :) *smooch*

8:04 PM  
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7:26 AM  
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8:39 AM  

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