October 20, 2005

Proof I'm A Goober (as if any were required)

I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling trying to figure out a way to transform myself from a goober into a sophisticated woman. From what I’ve observed, sophisticated women do not do stupid and embarrassing things. Things like reaching into your purse at the grocery store and having your bra jump out of it and land on the floor in full view of everyone nearby, or walking all the way from the car to the bus with a high heeled shoe hanging from the back of your waistband, or walking down a busy downtown sidewalk and having your shoe that is too loose fly off your foot and land about a half a block in front of you.
***
When I was 19 I signed up for classes to become a certified scuba diver. Know what happens when you strap a tank, fins, and mask on a goober? Well, I can tell you a few things that could happen. Not saying they did, but they could. Someone not paying close enough attention in class could think “ha, ha! I’m the only one that has to wear a weight belt in the pool”. That same person could eventually realize that the more body fat you have, the more you need a weight belt. Also, when everyone is standing around in a circle in shallow water and the goober thinks it would be neat to go underwater and look up at everyone, it is possible that the goober could become stuck like a turtle on its back and have to pull on the instructor’s leg to get back up. And during the open-water dive it is quite possible to pee in the wet suit before the instructors have a chance to ask everyone not to. Oops.

7 Comments:

Blogger Peter said...

OK I guess we can see that the bra in the purse thing could happen, (hot day, going scuba diving soon???) the loose shoe thing could happen to anyone (almost) but pleeeese tell us how you can get a high heeled shoe tangled in your waistband, the mind truly boggles!!
It also doesn't take too much working out that to pee in a wetsuit is not a good idea, GOOBER!!!!!
Just in fun love the humor.
Word verification "alker" glad it didn't start with st.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Ivy the Goober said...

OK. I'll give. I drive to the park n ride bus. My car is a disaster. (I mean my mini-van) I carry a big backpack because I feel like there's a possiblity I might need everything I own with me. Somehow, high heeled shoe leftover in the van or by the backpack whatever - after a workout at the gym... I park the car, swing that backpack over one shoulder, walk all the way to the bus and down the aisle to the very back - MY SEAT... and try to sit down. But hmmmmm a tad bit uncomfortable. somehow a shoe hung in the waistband of my drawers. Beats the heck outta me.

7:26 PM  
Anonymous Ash's Dad said...

LOL. Sooooo funny.

8:17 AM  
Anonymous Mike Ashley said...

You know, as far as I am concerned, just being yourself, even with a shoe stuck in your waistband, and handling it the way you did, makes you sophisticated.
...Thanks for sharing. I enjoy your sophisiticated posts.
(Kudos to Old Hoss for suggesting to drop by your blog.)

1:07 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Now just why did you have a bra in your purse, Susan? Were you on the way to burn it? LOL

Hoss sent me - and I will be back!

3:04 PM  
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