October 27, 2005

My Baby Boy

Wonder what I did to deserve an awesome kid like this? Just lucky, I guess. This is an old picture of him, but if he doesn’t like it, maybe he can email me a new one from his cell phone. He is my oldest. The one I experimented with and learned from. Actually I learned quite a lot from him. See what I mean:

I had to learn to be more careful just how much emphasis I put on some of the things I said to my kids when they were little. For example, every time something bad would happen in our house while I was out, I would always demand, “Just where was your father at the time?” Oops, turns out my son then thought that dad’s whereabouts were a very important element in every story. So one day while peeking over a booth seat at Denny’s, my son was asked by the diners at the table behind us how he got that perfect little circle burned onto the end of his nose. Before getting to the part about how he had pressed his little 5-year old nose up to a hot light bulb, he began the story with, “Well, my daddy was downstairs poopin’…”

I learned new definitions to old words. One day my son walked into the house and immediately announced, “Oh mom, you’re so ghetto!” I didn’t quite know what he meant, since in my dictionary ghetto is a noun, not an adjective. But maybe I don’t have the latest edition. Anyway, he took a moment to explain that he made that statement simply because I was drinking wine from a measuring cup. Can I help it if that was the only glass that was clean?

I learned little-know scientific facts: One time my teenaged son told me that I have the attention span of a goldfish. No, wait - I think he said I had the short-term memory of a goldfish. Yeah, that was it because he even brought up some facts on the Internet to prove to me that a goldfish can only remember something for three minutes. This whole conversation came about because supposedly I repeat myself every now and then. My son wanted to know if I ever get tired of asking someone, “Have I told you about (blah, blah, blah)” and they say yes... two or three times already! I then accused my family of being in a conspiracy to make me think I'm crazy. Here’s one recent example: my husband claims that twice in one month I told him he smelled like rotting flesh. That does not sound like something I would say. I asked him was I drunk at the time? No? Was he? I don’t even know what rotting flesh smells like. Maybe I said rotting fish. But the point is – wouldn’t I remember if I'd said something like that? Hey, speaking of fish, did you know the average goldfish has only about a three-minute memory?

Love you, sweetie, you're a wonderful boy! Thanks for all you've taught me.


Blogger OldHorsetailSnake said...

Hoo boy. Ivy has Hoss laughing out loud for Pete's sake.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Mary said...

I think that your husband is trying to distract you from the fact that twice in one month you caught him smelling like rotting fish. Isn't that the important issue here? :)

6:35 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

Hey Susan, I'm beginning to see where you are coming from, if you surround yourself with people that think in circular patterns etc,etc.
I was flattered to be mentioned by Hoss by the way.

7:17 PM  
Blogger FTS said...

I think your sister may be right about you. ;-)

8:41 PM  
Blogger Ivy the Goober said...

Hoss, if I can make YOU laugh, I'm feelin' pretty darn good.

Mary: Thank you for pointing that out and getting me back on track! The stinky bum.

Hey, Peter: Did you see I mentioned you a couple of posts ago? ;)

FTS: Haven't you figured it out yet, sweets? Jules and I are one and the same. Just messing with your mind!

9:04 PM  

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